My Why

Tell me what to write

Whisper in my ear

Give me word by word...

what I need to hear

Give me word by word...

what the world should hear

A period there.

A sentence here.

Questions, how?

Make it clear.

God, show me how...

to draw you near

Heal me

Hold me

Use me

Mold me

Tell me what to write

Whisper in my ear

Help me share my story...

for you is all the glory

You are the master writer

You draft

You edit

You copy

You publish

You change periods to semicolons;

that is my miracle.

You write my miracle

You write my story

And now...

I write your stories

For the longest time...perhaps even my whole life...I had no "why" and you may wonder what I mean by that. It means I had no real reason to live...sometimes I'd think I was living for success, other times for perfectionism and people-pleasing, but mostly, I tied my life to my mother's and told myself that the day she leaves this earth...would be the day that I leave too, if not sooner.

That is, until my conversation with God today.

I found my "why"!

And it doesn't surprise me that God has been using other people to tell me for the past few years...

but did I listen?

Obviously not...

until today...

when I wrestled with God,

and went through voicemails,

hearing a previous treatment center therapist,

tell me that her biggest desire for me was to "find my own reason to live and recover,"

and after a year of considering masters programs in writing and publishing,

and finding one that I like!

The "why," or purpose, or passion, or whatever it is you might call it...that has been laid on my heart...

is to simply use the blessed gift of writing, that God has given me, to share stories.

God's stories.

My stories.

Other's stories when granted permission.

And any story...

because STORIES MATTER!

Stories draw us closer together.

Stories teach us and inspire us.

Stories push us to strive for better.

Stories remind us of how much we've grown.

Stories remind us of how much God has done...

of how much God will continue to do...

of just how much He loves us...

of just how much He'll never give up on you.

And today...

as a multi-suicide attempt survivor (as some of you know)

I'm especially thankful that He never gave up on me...

He'll save me time and time again,

but I'm claiming it today,

that I don't want Him to ever have to again.

I have my "why" and reminders to LIVE <3