People Being People

It's the sad reality that has got me down lately that any and everyone is capable of being mean and saying hurtful things, especially me. However, after recently stepping into and pursuing content creation on social media, I am realizing the reality that the sinful nature of people is so incredibly hard to navigate in this world.

It has been less than a month that I have been posting 4-5 times a day on social media to start sharing my story, advocating for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), sharing my art, writing, and music, as well as showing my service dog journey and how she helps me in daily life. And while majority of the response has been positive...there has been enough negative ones that have got me in my feels. However, I will preface by saying that I am so incredibly proud of myself to use this as exposure/rejection therapy to learn how to cope and deal with my strong feelings at negative comments and responses. I have been learning how to let go of them and just deleting or reporting the comments instead of lashing back and saying hurtful things or turning it into a bigger mess. It takes A LOT for me to do this and so it is a big step in my recovery journey!

I will share some of what has been hurtful to express what I mean by experiencing the harsh reality of people being people. On one of my videos someone was very invalidating by saying that what I was going through was basically nothing when they do not know my full story and I was only sharing a very tiny piece of it. Many other times I have been getting mean comments about me not taking good care of my service dog like letting her rest or cutting her nails or other people thinking that I have a muzzle on her all the time. This is all taken out of context and I have since had to educate people on her behavior and why her nails seem long or how she wears a gentle leader as part of her uniform and it is NOT a muzzle.

Perhaps the worse comment of all was someone that called me a "retard" on a video of me singing about trauma...a very serious topic...and then when I deleted it...they reposted it to a video where I was talking about BPD and so I ended up having to report them and block them. People can just be so mean and even the nicest person in the world can be capable of saying hurtful things without realizing it because I did have someone private message me after I made a video about my service dog's gentle leader where she apologized and said that she did not realize that it was not a muzzle and did not mean to come across as mean, but was uneducated. It was incredibly kind of her to do so and to admit her mistake and that she would learn from it and be more careful about commenting on videos. But this just goes to show that any and everyone is truly capable of saying things that will come across as mean and hurtful.

It is the sad reality that this is our sinful nature...and in a sermon I heard at church just recently, this was exactly what it was talking about and how there will always be problem people in our lives as long as we are on this earth. And no matter where you go...there will always be the same problem people waiting for you because you cannot run and escape interactions with people, no matter how hard you try. However, there is hope because without even realizing it, God is using those difficult people in our lives to teach us something and he is also using us in their lives as it is always a two-way street. It's like a mirror...what you don't like about those other people is often what you actually don't like about yourself. Recently, I have found this so incredibly true in my own life.

Those hurtful comments that I have been receiving on social media has very well been the way that I have had emotional reactions towards my own loved ones, hurting them deeply in many ways. It is merely a reflection of how I have reacted and said hurtful things as well. Also, a friend that I cut off many years ago for the same reasons that I lost my recent friendship, I merely experienced what it was like for my friend when I cut her off since I was cut off in turn this time around. I felt the hurt and the pain and all the complicated, intertwined emotions that I'm sure my friend felt when I hurt her and I'm thankful that God is opening my eyes to seeing myself in all the hurtful interactions I have been facing lately.

The biggest thing that I have been learning is that I can't change them, but God most certainly can change me as I learn more self-awareness and work on myself with His guidance and help! I'm learning that God uses problematic people to keep us from being problematic people! I will keep working on myself in therapy and with God through His word and prayer to continue trying to be the best version of who He has made me to be. Will we still mess up and hurt others...definitely yes...but we have hope that one day we will be in heaven where we will no longer have a sinful nature and those hurtful words and mean tendencies will be no more! I'm learning to keep working on myself while I am still in the world and to hold onto hope of the future in eternity!