Braving the Cold

Things can only get better...especially when you've been at rock bottom several times before and when life constantly throws you a curve ball that you never seem to catch a break from...and yet...I'm SO looking forward to a New Year. Same me. Same fight. Same life. BUT a fresh outlook and a stronger hope that things can only get better.

2025 was rough...I went into the year thinking that things were going to be great, only to learn of my father's affair with a girl 5 years YOUNGER than me, and that my parents were getting a messy divorce. The year only spiraled more out of hand, especially when I landed back in the hospital ICU after another deadly suicide attempt. My precious dog of 13 years had to be put down. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) made me lose a job, not to mention all the complications that came with the emotional dysregulation throughout the year. BUT through it all...God has still immensely blessed me (just look back on my Thanksgiving blog post)!

For the first time, I was able to catch a few glimpses of what normalcy in life might mean...thanks to the wonderful guy that I've been dating for over a year. Now, I can only see that things will continue to grow and get better from here. Sure, I'm scared...I literally scared out of my mind. Afterall, nobody truly likes change, and especially for someone with BPD, stability is the key to recovery and so change is very complicated to navigate. Just like the snowy cold winters that leave us shivering to our core.

Winter is also the most difficult season for me, partly because I hate the cold. I'd much rather be frolicking through a field in 100-degree weather (I was born and raised in Texas after all). But even through the depths of winter, we still have to go on living our lives. So what do we do? We bundle up as best we can, grab a few hand warmers or two, and then step out to brave the cold. That is how I am choosing to face this New Year.

Yes, it is filled with change and uncertainty...yes, life may still throw me curve balls...yes, I am still battling many complicated mental illnesses on the daily...yes, I'm scared...yes, I'm worried...yes, I'm uncertain...AND through it all, I'm choosing to put on my coat and as much winter gear as I can possibly put on, in order to brave the cold and continue my fight into the New Year. Of course, don't get me wrong, there is a lot that I am excited about and looking forward to as well!

I'm excited that my 2nd book is coming out, Brokenness Restored: The Path to Recovery is Healing Journey and that I will be able to use part of the proceeds to support the next women's Christian body image conference towards the end of the year. I'm also excited for the book launch parties or book signings that I am going to be blessed to have. I'm excited for all the more memories that I'm going to have with my amazing guy and his family as well as my own family and friends, and to even have some new beginnings that will very much be needed in order for me to move forward towards even more healing.

There is so much to look forward to in the coming year and I'm casting my anxieties on God and trusting Him with my future that is to come. It will still be a fight, BUT I have hope for the better things to come. It will still be worrisome at times, BUT I know where my hope comes from. It will still be exhausting sometimes, BUT I am held in the arms of the king and surrounded by loved ones that point me to the one that will help me brave the cold and make this next year a beautiful one to remember!

Happy New Year everyone!! <3