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Miracles Happen
Janna Herron • Jul 08, 2021
My Story
***trigger warnings: suicide and self-harm***
October 22, 2020 was the day of my worst nightmare. No one predicts when these things happen…when your depression takes control and steals the joy from your life…when your PTSD leaves you separated from reality, disassociating…when your anxiety has you suffocating…when you lose yourself and are unable to think in the moment…when you end up doing something that you will regret for the rest of your life. All I know is that I was utterly exhausted and I wanted the suffering and exhaustion of my lifetime to be gone. In an instant, I believed that I would not have to fight anymore, that I would not have to feel nothing and be numb anymore, that I would not have to live up to expectations set for me, that maybe, just maybe, I could be free from the pain and suffering. However, that’s not how life works and God had other plans in store for me. The night of my overdose, I remember replaying my life in my mind as I laid my head down to go to sleep, thinking I would never wake up again. At first I saw the hurt, pain, abuse, assaults, trauma, betrayal, rejection, self-harm, fear throughout the course of my childhood…but then I reached my college years. Laughter, singing, late movie nights, spontaneous adventures, plans for the future, crafting moments, university events, being myself free from judgement around my three roommates who are truly my sisters…I saw beauty and I instantly regretted my decision, but it was too late…
Flash back to the spring of 2018 when I remember connecting online with who I would become college roommates. Her name was Katlynn and we connected over books, nature and music as we asked each other a question a week to get to know one another. We were cautious at first, not knowing who each other really was and if we could trust living together. But God knew. He knew we would need each other in the happiest of times and in the darkest. He knew what he was doing from the minute he let our lives cross paths. From the moment we finally met in person on dorm move-in day, it was an immediate bond and our friendship grew throughout our freshman year and into our sophomore year as we became Resident Assistants (RAs) together. My mental health was an emotional roller coaster at the time, especially when I went back to self-harming, but Kat was patient, caring, encouraging, and the best listening ear all the times I needed somebody. We ranted and confided in each other and the friendship became inseparable. She became someone that I would trust with my life because when junior year came and when the unthinkable happened, God chose her to save my life.
A miracle happened…doctors say so. I opened my eyes, barely, but it was enough…enough to call Kat at a bizarre hour of the morning. And she answered and without hesitation, she was by my side, calling for emergency services. That was God no doubt. I don’t really remember anything until I had been in the hospital for almost the whole day. The days following that, the side effects of all the medications in my system was taxing and my body was fighting to survive. I wanted to survive. I wanted to live. And despite not feeling deserving, God gave me a second chance. They were drawing blood every 3 hours and the next time they did, everything was normal. They were monitoring my heart when abnormalities disappeared and the rhythm went back to normal. When they checked everything else, they came back puzzled, telling me that I was lucky to have come out alive without any damage left to my body. But I don’t believe it was luck as they called it…I know it for what it truly was…a miracle.
God knew what he was doing from day one when He placed Kat in my life for a reason. He knew what He was doing when my struggles, suicide attempt and the prayers she prayed eventually led her to give her life to Christ and become a believer. He knew that He would use us to save each other. Our story of friendship is one that I share to let you know that with God all things are possible. I share it to let you know that miracles do happen. I share it to let you see God’s hand from the beginning of one friend to another now bonded as sisters in Christ. He can use you, literally anyone, and He has a plan in store for you. I pray blessings over anyone that is reading this — you are worthy and you are loved.
“Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens, you who have done great things. Who is like you, God? Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more.” - Psalm 71:19-21
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God gave me this poem today as I was driving, talking with Him, tears streaming down my face...
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